Saturday, October 29, 2011

My Royal Slothitude An The Reasons Behind It

Today, I've been emulating a sloth. I've embraced my fucking slothitude, mon! Only, not climbed any trees in super slo-mo or ate any rotten fruit while being infested with fire ants, or that shit. No, I lay in the bed, then ate some pizza and lay in the bed some more. Then I got up, showered, and lay in my bed watching couple of episodes of Doctor Who. Which is the most fucking brilliant show in the world. Then I ate some candy while lieing in the bed. There may have been some staring into emptiness and slowly drooling from the corner of my mouth, as well. To conclude: this day has been spent mostly horizontally doing nothing useful. (And yes, I had to check this.)

And that is because last night we tried to see if we could destroy all the liquor storages in a medium sized township in Northern Ostrobotnia if we just, like, drank really hard. Beer, port wine, whiskey, gin, nameless drinks which taste like tooth paste poisoning, nameless drinks which smell like nail polish remover, cider, home made wine... in short, every venom they sell.

It's always like that when partying with these guys. Carousers succumbed to the alcohol poisoning like fucking flies! First one to fold was Jaakko. He vanished from the Local Place like a ninja. First there was a vacillatious specimen of a Northen Beardy Gamer (a non-migratory species, by and large) sitting at a table smiling vaguely at everything and oculating the room with empty eyes. Then... he was gone! Only his knitted cap, gloves and backpack remained, otherwise he was mucho disappearamento, jefe! And as they sing... there's no footprints in cold October rain, man. Well, OK, they don't sing that as I just pulled that one out from my ass... but they could!

Then it was Tommi's turn. When the Local place closed and it was time to turn the attack on the center of Oulu Village, he just waved his wings and radioed to us: "... Red Leader, this is Red Fiver... My head is on fire and... fuel is just about spent... ...aking an attem... ...ome base... " Then he flew into the rainy blackness and we were all silent for a while listening to the somnolent roar of our jet engines. Lost an other comrade-in-arms on the same flight! This was gonna be a tough mission.

And just when we were concluding out mission, Outi and Petri flat out disappeared too. They did not even leave any pieces of clothing behind! Luckily there was some replacements from another flight so while the liquor stores were not destroyed, per se, we still damaged them to our maximum potential.

The MVP was Toni, hands down. First he almost won at Chaos in the Old World (Jaakko being still sober enuff to be the Slaaneshy winrar), then won at Munchkin, flew the whole mission without a scratch, drank like a horse and then he fucking won big time at the Black Jack table! And that's a feat to everyone who knows how crap RAY (Finland's Slot Machine Association) payout percentages are.

But yeah, apart from me drinking way too much and possibly (almost certainly) being a right prick, the evening was a success. But then again, if you look around and there's no morons or idiots around, you must be it, man. So I'll make a public apology right here and know, only it's, like insincere, man, as I cannot remember what I did to apologize for. Or much any details at all.


Kharan said...

Voihan jössestä ratsastava raptorijeesus, se oli Tzeentch, joka voitti! Miehän hieroin tuota faktaa Tomminkin kasvoihin, koska T on mukamas niin imba vaikea pelata. Toisaalta, Tzeentchin turnauskesto ei kestänyt Khorneviiniä olleskaan.

Toni said...

Khorneviini <3 ...Lieing = Lying, even though you did check it! ;)

petrus said...

Nooooooooooo! Not that! I finally have a Nemesis and it just had to be the Grammar Nazi?? Why, gods, WHHYYYYYYYYYYY....? Khornevinetto oli kyllä petollista, vielä puoli tuntia ja mut ois saanu laittaa putkaan :P